Fun & Games

It was all about the mind games wasn’t it?  The whole reason you spent eight years being my “best friend”?  You felt sorry for me because you knew I couldn’t make friends.  I was different.  Or so you said.  Well I’m tired of it, exhausted actually.  You flat out lied.  The sad thing is that I don’t even think you realize that you did. 

I don’t know what you plan to say to me in the future, if ever you get your head out of the clouds of love and wonder.  I doubt I can still call the dress mine anymore.  Speaking of which, the twinkly one you got me for my birthday, still sits in my closet untouched.  But you don’t notice things like that anymore.  The little things that had me telling you every single detail of my boring life. 

There was a time you’d actually sit there and listen to every word I spoke.  Did you just grow tired?  I did too.  I’m tired of giving people so much of myself, only to have them say that they don’t need me anymore.  I can tell in your eyes that my favorite season is gone.  You’ll be happy to know, I won’t be naming my kids after you anymore.  It would just be too damn depressing.  Knowing that the one who hurt me most, still lies in my creations.  That dress?  I think I found a worthy candidate. 

So here’s how it’s gonna work.  Just stop haunting me.  Stop showing up in every song that floats to my ears.  Leave this room we’ve shared for years.  Just stop letting me see you in every room I walk.  I’ve moved on, I’ve found a new rock.  And you know what, they love her, just like they loved you.  It tears me apart that they still do because that means I do too.  Stop giving me reasons to smile, it hurts too much to think.  And no, I didn’t grow too attached.  He was the only one I could call a brother and your selfishness took that away from me.  Stop taking what’s mine!  If it wasn’t so quiet I would scream your name.  But what’s the point?  You won’t hear me anyway.

I’m done crying.  I’m done feeling sorry for myself.  Just leave, get out.  That’s what you always wanted!  So I give you permission (not that you waited for it) to tear my heart to shreds.  Because they’ll be there to make it all better in the end.